Finally, I gathered all the courage and told her, “I think I have started liking you.” She replied, “I have said you several times I am not interested in all these things.” Did her reply hurt me? Oh yes, it did, but I felt like a misconception I had since the last few months got clarified. Yes, I fell in love with this beautiful girl; I would rather say a beautiful human being who captured my heart. Her witty sense of humor, her mature thinking just floored me. This was the first time in my life when I befriended a girl with whom I could discuss everything.
I was going through a rough patch of my life then, when she came in my life bringing to be the reason of my happiness in times of distress. My mother was diagnosed with cancer. I was broken from inside but never expressed it to my father because he had lost all the hope. I decided to remain strong and continue the battle forgetting and sacrificing everything. Those days were full of tensions and troubles. I was ready to face anything that would happen in the near future.
I told her everything about my mother, her medical treatment and the medications that she had to undergo. She used to listen patiently and tell to me not to loose hope and be strong. She would often crack jokes and tried to make me happy. But why would she do that, I often used to question myself. Did she care for me? Or did she love me? Well, I was in dilemma for a long time. I don’t know I felt I should tell her everything about what is happening in my life but somewhere deep in my heart I felt why should I disturb her telling my tale? Won’t she get bored? Who is she? Is she my girlfriend? – No! came the answer straight from my heart, but then again I would feel I should tell her everything.
I was a lonely soul, shattered from inside who was trying to befriend another caring soul who would stop my hands and be by my side. I was really wrong that time, but my immature and may be my lonely mind was just not ready to accept the fact that she was not the right person I was searching for. I would pray to God those days and tell him, “O lord! Bless my mother and give her respite from her illness as soon as possible.” I also used to add, “And please make that girl realize and understand that I really love her a lot.” My first prayer was listened but I guess the second one was rejected by lord.
So, when she finally said a NO to my proposal I felt hurt from inside, my heart cried, the eyes dropped tears but then I gathered courage and tried to find out. I said to myself, “Hey! You are not going to miss her from today. Don’t be a fool boy! She does not love you. She just wants to be your friend, not someone with whom you can spend a life.”
This whole incident taught me one thing – That relationship that does not have a bonding is not a relationship and most importantly its not LOVE.